Chapter 2

The differentiation between, and the union of, male and female are utterly sacred, for they echo God’s holy existence[1]. –J. Clark, M.P. Johnson, The Incarnation of God

 Truth Statement: Created in the image of God, feminine and masculine, every one of us is created teleologically to reflect the community of the Trinity. Functioning together feminine and masculine better able to oppose God’s adversary and demonstrate the nature of God.

Initially, I had a very relaxed approach to becoming a husband. Carlene and I were in this together, for better or for worse. I was sure there would be times for both. However, I could not know how presumptions and past sexual experiences would prevent me from hearing my wife’s heart. Though I thought we were connecting (We were having sex, after all!), Carlene was hurting and lonely. Blind assumptions kept me from hearing her heart, and I failed to meet her deepest needs.

My grandfather died when my dad was four. As a result, my father’s concept of leadership in our home was textbook. He was resolute in his commitment to protect and physically provide for his family. My mother was affectionate. However, my dad’s love for his children was assumed and never expressed. So I also never observed that a husband should connect affectionately with his wife and children.

In college, I became a follower of Jesus Christ. For the first time, I experienced the freedom to seek emotional affirmation and the connection my father never offered. Accepted by God, I no longer fear rejection. Following Jesus’ example, I began a new pattern of turning to Him as my role model for interacting with and loving others.

Traditional religious views skewed my ideas of what it means to be masculine and feminine.  Regardless, while dating, Greg and my shared beliefs and sense of conviction made our dating relationship outstanding. We valued each other, and life improved by what we shared. Marriage not only seemed reasonable but beneficial. We had no way of knowing that misconceived gender roles would muddy the beauty of our relationship. Eventually, we experienced that religious conviction, unsubstantiated by Jesus’ way of relating to others, is dangerous.

After we married, Greg’s expectations for our sexual relationship overshadowed the emotional connection we previously shared. I knew that physical intimacy was important. However, I believed the sum total of my person exceeded our bedtime activity, and that’s not how married life felt. Sensing my value had been reduced to sexual exploits, I resented Greg’s pursuits.

Adding insult to injury, I believed that abuse notwithstanding, a wife should set aside emotions and conform to her husband’s desires. Wasn’t that godly love? Commitment? And wifely submission? With this view, the common ground I had experienced with him was diminished to a dogmatic tenacity to “do the right thing” no matter how badly it hurt. I’d tried confronting, but I knew Greg’s drive was genuinely motivated and without ill intent. Eventually, I recognized if I didn’t back off, I’d be responsible for the destruction of our marriage. But without the emotional connection and mutual benefit our relationship once offered, coping with life required defensive patterns of relating. And Greg’s pursuit of adventure no longer appealed to me. Able to compartmentalize life, his adventurous spirit forged paths to escape my unhappiness. Between us, our coping mechanisms became unpleasant cycles and emotions that drove us apart.

With the increasing distance I felt, I asked the Lord to show me “how to fit into the Greg Seghers equation.” Still clinging to religious misconceptions about our marriage relationship, I believed the problem was me. Trying to adapt, adjust, and surrender to my religious convictions, faulty notions of Biblical submission were self-defeating and not of God.

Behavioristic approaches to resolving conflict seem rational: “You fill my tank, and I’ll fill yours.” However, focusing on rules, roles, and routines doesn’t allow for connection. And frequently these relationships settle into a hierarchy that fails to esteem the other equally. Rather than growing in love, relationships become shallow when hearts take a back seat to expectations and rules.

Viewing love and affection as commodities measured by behavior may seem appealing for clarity of communication and fairness. However, when expectations don’t line up, these communication patterns disintegrate into accusation and demand. Furthermore, relationships that are based on fair trade and barter lack the sacrifice that Jesus calls us to. Additionally, one-sided submission sets up patterns defeating to the one in submission. Equally unhealthy, “the head” in a submission hierarchy will fail to reflect Christ’s example of a leader who serves.

Working through our flawed perceptions to find health in relationships is a matter of the heart. Beginning to understand the God-ordained roles of zakar and neqebah, Carlene and Greg learned to walk together in the Spirit of truth. Reflecting God’s Triunity defeats, the adversary that is pitted against us and God who created us. Following Jesus’ way of relating, God changes how we live and respond; and focusing on the truth of hearts connecting becomes the standard by which we live.

Zakar

According to Dr Larry Crabb, zakar (Hebrew for male, Gen 1:27) reflects the masculine nature of God. Says Dr Crabb, “zakar sees the plight of those God places in his life, remembers the God he was called to reveal, and acts in faith to reflect God’s holy heart of love. When zakar looks intently at a difficulty rather than suggesting quick solutions, he’ll recognize his inadequacy.  At his best, zakar courageously offers the presence of Christ by a compassionate and supportive response. Rejecting isolated thinking and fears of failure, “relational masculinity is revealed in a man who remembers God’s story and moves to advance its plot.”[2]

Read Genesis 2:15 to 3:19

• From 2:15-2:18, to whom did God express His one rule that would demonstrate respect for His authority? And where was Eve when God set the standard of respectful obedience?
• Where was Adam when the snake suggested Eve could make her own decision regarding what to eat? (3:6)

Read Romans 5:12 and 1 Timothy 2:13&14

• Who does God hold responsible for humankind entering a sin-filled experience? 1) One man-Adam, 2) One woman- Eve, or 3) Both Adam and Eve?
• Was Adam deceived by the snake’s words to Eve?

God’s instructions to Adam, were clear. He should eat from every tree in the garden except one; eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil would result in death. Moving away from his masculine nature, Adam failed to step up to the plate and watched Eve’s deception in silence. And in that moment of unrealized potential, separation took the place of loving care and interaction consistent with God’s plan for unity.

Reflecting the masculine nature of God, zakar sees the plight of those God places in his life, remembers the God he was called to reveal, and acts in faith to reflect God’s holy heart of love.

Sin

The Bible references sin in ways that give it characteristics of intentionality and authority. Sin has consequences that are tangible, and real. It is a force, that may be reckoned with, not by a vengeful willfulness, but by acknowledging God as the greater force. In Genesis chapter four, the Bible’s first reference to sin, God said to Cain, “…if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.”(vs. 7) And Romans six describes how that might be done, stating that sin reigns with power that can only dominate if unopposed by personal choice to submit oneself to the way God says is right.(6:12-13). As in the beginning, sin plays a part in the human story, and is either given authority, or defeated by human choice.

Eve’s choice, her sin, was based on deception. Adam’s choice was a curious though intentional disregard for God’s words. (1 Timothy 2:14) Choosing his actions apart from God’s words, sin reigned, and zakar failed to act consistently to his masculine design. And we know from the Genesis account that relenting to sinful authority, Adam and Eve felt ashamed. Trust and integrity couldn’t be assumed any longer because, spiritually, Adam stepped back from Eve. And they no longer could trust one another. With Adam’s failure to take responsibility and act consistently with his masculine role, the unity of God’s Image in zakar and neqebah became less evident. Together Adam and Eve made a choice to initiate the spiritual breakdown in all relationships. And from the time, broken relationships remains the bottom line for identifying sin.

Sin is not a judgment but rather a state of being. And its state of being is strengthened or diminished by human choice. The Original Sin initiated patterns of relationship which are broken, and isolating. Since that day at the beginning of time, every sin may be evaluated as a thought, word, action or even attitude that causes a break in our human relationships.

Movement towards isolation began with Adam and Eve, and every generation has followed their defensive posturing. Likewise, every generation experiences the brokenness of relationships that result. Relationships between zakar and neqabah became confusing as misconceptions about who we are and what our relationships should look like failed to reflect God and His Image that drives.

Sin is any thought, word, action or attitude that prevents health in our relationships.

The Satan

The name “Satan” is derived from a Hebrew word, satan (phonetically spelled, “saw tawn”) which in the Old Testament is not a name but a descriptive title requiring an article: “the satan.” This Hebrew word means one who opposes, or the accuser, an adversary. For reasons we hope will become apparent, since the name, “Satan” is relatively young to the human story, we choose, not to give God’s enemy the dignity of a proper name, but to rather, in this study we choose to acknowledge the one who opposes God with titles, similar to those in ancient Hebrew texts such as “God’s enemy,” and His “adversary.”

Read Luke 4:1-14 and Matthew 28:18-20

• Remembering Genesis 1:28 from RSL chapter one, to whom did God give authority over the earth?
• From Luke 4 and remembering Genesis 3, notice the method God’s adversary uses to take authority on earth. How did God’s adversary received authority over the earth from humanity in the garden, and how did the enemy attempt to maintain that authority over the earth in his interaction with Jesus? Who maintains ultimate authority on earth?
• What do we learn from these Biblical accounts of human interaction with the prince of this world? How is the adversary’s authority maintained?
• From Matthew 28, ultimately, who remains the final authority? And who remains God’s choice to be “in charge” on earth?

Read Romans 5:12-19 When reading, “sin,” substitute words demonstrating the, “broken relationships” that result by violating our relationships in “sin.” (Ie. “Therefore, just as broken relationships entered the world…. and death through broken relationships….”)

• What resulted from broken relationships?
• Is death a consequence of choice, or a punishment?
• What is God’s choice?
• Do you view righteousness a verb, a noun, or an adjective? How is it described in Romans 5? (vss. 17 & 19)
• Is it earned or a gift? (vs. 17)
• What is the result of true righteousness? (vs. 17)

Read John 14:6

• In John 14:6, what did John say is the way to move out of the way of death described in Romans into the way of life promised by Jesus?

God holds one man, Adam, responsible for the sinful state of being in which we live. God held Adam and Eve accountable for individual choice: each would experience the natural consequence of their disregard for how their decisions would affect others. By indulging his curiosity, one man’s choice established ‘self-ish’ patterns which are still prevalent today. Seizing the opportunity, God’s adversary didn’t hesitate to stand up when Adam stepped back. Even today, God’s adversary receives authority when mankind relinquishes the authority God his given to him.

Even today, The satan receives authority when mankind relinquishes authority by a simple choice.

Each of us faces similar choices as Adam and Eve. Will we relate to one another and God according to what He says is best? Though Original Sin is a state of being, patterns in relationships and whether to settle for unhealthy interactions is still a matter of choice.

The satan maintains authority by personal choice. Just as one man started patterns of brokenness, the Godman established a new model for right living. Following Jesus’ way of life and relating to others, God offers a choice to rise above sin and move toward health in wholehearted relationships once again.

In the right way to live, Jesus’ refused to act defensively. Challenged by the adversary directly, and by human misconception, Jeus responded rightly. Relying on the spirit of truth in relationships, and God’s written Word, without defense, His choices lead to death on a cross. Rather than fighting, He accepted the consequence of human brokenness. Yet, subsequently rising from death, He reminds us of His rightful authority and that by our choice to accept God’s gift, we’re offered a way to move out of the satan’s domain by identifying with Him.

Following Jesus’ way of life that focuses on unity and understanding, He moves us toward right ways of relating that do not come naturally. Righteousness, the kind that Jesus modelled, refuses to act defensively in the hope of maintaining or establishing health in what are otherwise broken relationships. Righteousness relies on truth and seeks understanding by holding onto God’s Words and His example for us.

Righteousness refuses to act defensively in the hope of maintaining healthy relationships.

Read Matthew 20:26b-28 and Ephesians 5:23-25

• From Matthew 20, what one word describes the pattern Jesus began that leads toward healthy relationships?
• And from Ephesians 5, what was Jesus’ role, and what does God say is the role of husbands?

God began the creation of humanity with men, and it was to the man God directly laid down the rules. The Bible identifies the husband as the head of the home and that via the first husband’s failure to lead in what God said was right, he surrendered his authority to the satan, opposed to God and the right relaitonships of unity He’d designed. Living in the opposers’ domain, by our choices we perpetuate division and brokenness, the state of Original Sin.

Still, Adam wasn’t required or even asked to compensate for his failure. Ultimately, Jesus made restitution for the broken patterns of relationship (sin) we’ve inherited. Serving others, Jesus’ model for life, requires engaging people God brings across our path in an attitude of service that creates right relationships. In following His example, righteous patterns become our own. In the flesh and blood details of daily life, man needed, then and still needs now, an-‘other” perspective. By God’s design, zakar actively serves someone who is also willing to help.

Neqebah

• God created Adam from the dust of the ground. Where where was Eve’s flesh derived?  Adam’s head? His side? His gut? Appendages? (Genesis 2:21)
• What did God have in mind when He created Eve? What was her role? (Genesis 2:18 & 20)

The Hebrew word for a suitable helper is “ezer,” and refers to a “strong helper.” It is the same word Moses used to name his son, Eliezer, because he said, “God …was my help and delivered me.” An ezer is not any kind of helper, but a strong one to secure success.[3] Other uses of ezer in the Bible reference God and the work He does to save. God, our Ezer, is our savior.

God took Eve from Adam’s side to place her physically next to him in life. He knew Adam’s strengths and weaknesses, and He knew that he would be better equipped to negotiate life with a partner, an ezer, at his side.

In keeping with this calling, femininity also demonstrates something about God’s nature. Dr Crabb (2013) notes that the strong helper is neqebah, who reveals the relational nature of God. Neqebah discloses God’s invitational beauty. Prioritizing relationships, neqebah opens her heart and is irresistibly attractive (p. 42 & 73). Just as Jesus attracted multitudes because of his ability to connect with their experience, and the longings of mankind, neqebah through meaningful relationships, connects mankind to the relational nature of his design.

Neqebah discloses God’s invitational beauty. Prioritizing relationships, neqebah is driven to connect.

The giftedness of women can’t be generalized. However, neqebah is intuitive and insightful according to her talents and capabilities. The feminine nature, like God’s, drives women to respond and connect. In strength, neqebah acts instinctively to help and give insight into circumstances, and the relationships involved. And in a healthy marriage, neqebah responds naturally, willingly, and powerfully with zakar, when standing, an equal partner, at his side.

The Trinity

While “the Trinity” is never used in the Bible. The concept that our Creator, God is one unit, comprised of three distinct entities is derived from Biblical truth. God spoke creation into being, and His Words became flesh to dwell among us and by His Spirit that creation produced life and is the one to comfort and lead humanity in true life, as we join Him, “One as He is One.” (Genesis 1, John 1: 1-14, 14:15-21, 16:7-11, and ch 17) Each member of the Trinity was vital to accomplish God’s work of creation, and they continue to submit and value one another, acting as One.

Living with a view that merges the equal (egalitarian) yet complementary roles of men and women unveils the essence of unity in zakar and neqebah. Together they reflect God’s Triunity.  As God designed relationships, combining feminine and masculine perspectives. And human sexuality offers a holistic view that is spiritual. God, our Father and Creator; Jesus, the Son and Savior; by the essence of His Holy Spirit, complement one another. Together, they function equally and are One.

Living with a view that merges the equal yet complementary roles of men and women unveils the essence and Tri-unity of God.

We often focus on the masculine pronouns which reference God, yet we overlook that a part of God’s nature embraces something of femininity. The Hebrew word for God’s Spirit, used 378 times in the Old Testament, is a feminine noun. Likewise, the Aramaic word for Spirit, Ruach, the word Jesus would have used when speaking of the Holy Spirit, is a feminine noun. Jesus identified with the emotions of women, even comparing Himself to a mother hen gathering her chicks (Luke 13:34). There is nothing about femininity that is ungodly, or weak!

Created in God’s image, men and women have equal needs and desires that run passionately through our being. Though complimenting one another, male and female passions take very different forms. Yet, both are vital and must be valued equally for a relationship to be mutually beneficial and reflect the Trinity.

Read Colossians 3:1-10

• What happens when we set our minds on the things above and set aside our earthly nature to put on a new self? _______________________________________ (vs. 10)

Renewing God’s image sets aside those things which divide, and takes on a point of view which draws us together to reflect the Trinity according to Original design. In marriage, my strong points are not my husband’s, nor his mine. Honouring one another’s strengths, we operate as a spiritual unit that is personally fulfilling and socially beneficial. Philosopher Peter Kreeft (1990) says, “[A godly view of sexuality does not deny] the obvious rational truth that the sexes are equal in value (as the chauvinist does) nor the equally obvious instinctive truth that they are innately different (as the egalitarian does). It revels in both, and in their difference: Vive’ la difference!” (Kindle loc. 1479)

Moving away from our feminine and masculine design suppresses the image of God, which nevertheless remains. Just as for Adam and Eve, shame emerges when sexuality and spirituality juxtapose. In division, we lose sight of the completeness of God’s image that compliments and is equally valuable in both genders. Men without impact and women without connection feel inadequate and ashamed. Battling notions that “I am no good,” shame cannot be reasoned away. Failing to act meaningfully, zakar feels inferior. Either withdrawing or seeking to make an impact without connection, men fail to live up to their potential. Neqebah finds value in heart connection. Outside of wholehearted relationships, women also struggle with low self-esteem and shame.

In division, we lose sight of God’s image that compliments and is equally valuable.

To heal and refute shameful narrations that have intruded on the human experience requires acknowledging and believing the truth about God and me: Created in His image, I am valuable and loved despite what is broken. Truth integrates what is spiritual with what is sexual; my sexuality reflects something of God’s passionate nature. Driven to be masculine and feminine, we’ll connect in unity when we equally value and complement one another as God designed.

Singleness in the Human Story

Zakar and neqebah are not limited to husbands and wives. Single men and women are no less sexual than those who are married. These also long to connect and make an impact. That unmarried people continually process their singleness is a natural consequence of God’s design, broken in the human story. Longing for the sense of the unity they were created to enjoy, many singles struggle to settle into communities structured around nuclear families. Failing to prioritize our spiritual family of Image-bearers, prioritizing the nuclear family we often neglect singles in the human story, and impose isolation onto singleness that creates circumstances which fail to rightly honor God. Though the Bible does not frequently address the issue of singleness, God is not silent on the topic.

Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, 25-35

• Which is preferable, according to the apostle Paul? To be married? Or to remain single? (vs. 1, 7&8, 26)
• What happens when a person focuses too heavily on their desire to find a spouse? (vs. 7-9)
• Why should an unmarried person seek a spouse? (vs. 7-9)
• To burn is to be consumed. If a person is being consumed by a certain issue, where is his or her focus? On God? Or on meeting personal needs that focus on self?
• According to this passage, what is God’s desire for our mental focus, whether married, single, slave or free? Bottom line: what is God’s priority above sexual expression in marriage? (vs. 5 & 35)
• Why is a single person more able to focus on serving God? (vs. 32-35)

The Bible encourages singles to engage by serving God in the fellowship of whole-hearted community. He acknowledges singleness is not for everyone but that to remain single allows single people to focus mental energies on God and affirming other image bearers to build His Kingdom. He wants all of us to serve Him by serving others.

God designed sexual intimacy and marriage because it provides a Covenant picture that is the Gospel story of the Bible. This Biblical Picture doesn’t require sexual activity to be real. Physical intimacy in marriage reflects the unity of Christ and the Church; it is a compelling picture with sacred implications of covenant love. Furthermore, Jesus was a single male with a holistic view of God’s plan. No less sexual than you and I, Jesus’ integrated view of spirituality and sexuality perfected the Image of God in the flesh. Remaining a celibate male, He awaited uniting with His bride until the appointed time. Marital status does not sway this truth! Singles are equally Jesus’ Bride, and privileged to focus on the eternal marriage, the covenant love by which we were all created. Jesus’ marriage to the Church is the ultimate union to which marriage in the flesh should point.

Sexual intimacy that never fades can only happen in a covenant relationship that models the mutual submissions of the Trinity. Committing to the tedious process of moving beyond a ‘self-ish’ perspective to understand an-“other’s” experience in marriage distracts from the greater community of the Church. The Church is Jesus’ bride, the kind of community we still long to be a part of. Regarding people from their own point of view, it requires genuine compassion and sacrifice of perspective, the way of life Jesus modeled wholeheartedly while single!

Sexual intimacy provides a Biblical picture of the Gospel yet, does not require sexual activity to be real!

Lives change when we serve God by serving others. Marital status, or even the choice to be sexually active, is not what makes a person sexual. In her book, Redeeming Sex, Debra Hirsch (2015) points out that “all of our sexual/relational needs can be summed up in two essential desires or longings… our social sexuality and our genital sexuality. Implicit in each of these is what we might experience as the longing to be completed in the other.” (pg. 51) She states further that “while expressions of genital sexuality can be divorced from the engagement with another person (e.g., masturbation, self-stimulation, etc.), in its ideal expression sexuality is about relational engagement with another.” (pg. 67)

Singles not only honour God by waiting for a commitment of marriage, but they also demonstrate there is solidarity in Gospel truth

Human sexuality should not imply physical intimacy but rather relational engagement. Whatever feminine and masculine qualities you and I have, God delights when we use them as Jesus did: to bless others. For a single person, Godly sexual intimacy (outside of marriage) means expressing passionate strength and building unity in community while honouring that the place for physical intimacy is inside of marriage. Respecting God’s design for the sexual relationship, in and outside of marriage, creates an environment where physical and spiritual intimacy reflects our Triune God. Failing to keep physical intimacy in its proper place, we cannot enjoy the spiritual intimacy of God’s design.

When communities value singles, all are drawn into the community and Jesus’ Bride is made ready by reflecting God’s design more completely. Valuing others, in the way of Jesus, reflects the Trinity, and prevents isolation. A narrow view of God’s plan which neglects single people creates feelings of loneliness. Supportive communities grow and flourish because following Jesus’ way of life, God will always be a part (1 Corinthians 7:26-35, Matthew 18:20). All of us benefit as we encourage single people, and create space for them to live meaningfully, as God builds His Church (John 13:35).

When communities value singles, all are drawn into the community and Jesus’ Bride is made ready by reflecting God’s design more completely. 

 

Trinity in the Human Story

We’ve established that the Bible indicates God is one, yet, clearly delineates He is Father, Son, and Spirit. Unified yet passionately different, our One God functions as three distinct beings. Theologians Clark and Johnson (2015) state, “the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are distinctive persons each with His own communicable properties, …they dwell in one another, not only with one another in such an intimate way …that their individual characteristics instead of dividing them from one another unite them indivisibly together” (p. 66-67). Jesus’ prayer of John 17 illustrates this, and invites us to join Him in our story. As you read the passage, observe that Jesus’ desire was timeless and for everyone who would follow Him.

Read John 17

• What phrases do you read that demonstrate how you and I or other multiples should live as one? Look for those places where “we” become a unit and exist as one with another.

The Apostle Paul was led by the Holy Spirit to clarify how this love should look in his letter to the people of Philippi. Let’s call this Trinitarian Love because it reflects the loving connectedness of our God. In Philippians chapter two, there are several elements vital to Trinitarian Love.

The image of God, Triunity, lives on when we wholeheartedly connect as One.

 Read Philippians 2:1-8 to identify interactions that are vital for many of us to live as one:

• Verse 1-2 Identify 6 very emotional ways to interact that are foundational to unity
• Verse 2 …intent on _____________________________________
• Verse 3 …regard one another ______________________________
• Verse 8 …He ___________________ ____________________ by ____________________ _________________________ to the point of death….

It’s essential for our understanding of Trinitarian relationships to observe how our Triune God acts within His distinct roles. African theologian S.W. Kunhiyop (2008) says that “Because of their different roles, the persons of the Trinity often act as if one is subordinate to another” (p. 52). The Father sent the Son, and the Son always acted in submission to the Father’s will (John 14:28 & 31). The Spirit moved at creation & led Jesus (Gen. 1:2, Luke 2:27, 4:1, 14, 10:21), and God sent the Spirit at Jesus’ bidding (John 14:16 & 25). From Genesis 1:2 and John chapter one, we know that the Spirit of God initiated and God created, yet without Jesus, none of it would have materialized. So with us, in Trinitarian Love, we could function in ways that are productive and fulfilling, far beyond what we’re capable of on our own.

Read Matthew 26:36-39 which accounts Jesus’ prayer prior to his arrest in Gethsemane.

• What did Jesus say that demonstrates the severity of this submission of the Godhead? (vs. 39)
• When you read from Philippians chapter 2, did you notice what Paul said about Jesus’ opinion of Himself within the Trinity? (vs. 6)

Though Jesus was “one with the Father” (John 10:30) and equal to Him, He lived in submission to Him. Likewise, men and women, to reflect God’s nature, will co-exist in roles that are equal yet complementary. And following Jesus’ example, in unity we’ll complement and value others to rise far above the ‘self-ish’ point of view that dominates our perspective in the isolated perspective of sin.

In Trinitarian Love, reflecting God’s nature, men and women co-exist in equal yet complementary roles that enable them to experience fulfillment and productivity for beyond isolated choices.

Conclusion

Traditional views of the players which comprise the human story, focus on behaviour instead of connection.  Neglecting the interplay of strengths represented by the diverse natures of zakar and neqebah we fail to image God in wholehearted connection. The mutual affection men and women can experience while single, often become elusive and muddied when their roles focus on behaviour instead of complimenting one another in value and heart connection. Instead of strengthening one another by prioritizing the other, relationships fall apart, and isolation seems preferable, though unfulfilling. Without mutual understanding and value, drives create distance and mistrust instead of intimacy and safety. Pursuing relationships as Jesus, to be one as He is One, we are privileged to glimpse the fulfillment of Triunity such as God has always enjoyed. Knowing His equality with God, Jesus served God and man and encourages us to do the same. Taking off the ‘self-ish’ point of view that focuses on behaviour and colours our view, Jesus leads us to value and complement another’s perspective to the glory of God in heart connection.

God called men to roles of responsibility within their families and communities. They are to provide for and give leadership to those in their authority. However, women are equally important. Drawing on their gifts and strengths, men must value the perspectives women offer. God has placed women in homes and communities to give insight and guidance. In the unity of Trinitarian Love, zakar and neqebah create space for a holistic point of view. Complementing one another in the way of the Trinity is a choice first made at a personal level, which then impacts the community.

Valuing our sexuality and God-given roles begins in our homes, then extends to others in our circles of influence. Married or single, together, men and women are more discerning and productive than they could be alone. Living and loving within Trinitarian roles, God identified the creation of humankind as “very good,” because the completion of His great work, and God’s image, is most evident when zakar and neqebah function together: one as He is One!

In unity, Zakar and Neqebah create space for a holistic point of view that demonstrates Trinitarian Love and godly community.

Time for Reflection

• Who shaped your views of femininity and masculinity? Were their roles defined or ambiguous? Did they conflict with or complement people of the opposite sex? Did these function in mutual respect and value? Or did they rely on clearly defined hierarchies?
• Whether in social groups, congregations or with family members, roles are fulfilling when there is unity and intimacy such as the Trinity enjoys. What can you do to develop this kind of unity?
• Can you define your God-given role?
• Do you lean toward an egalitarian or complementarian view of men and women? What would it take to embrace them both?
• Are you content with your role in life? What circumstances affect your contentment?
• What do you enjoy most about your role?
• If you are struggling with your role, can you identify what is most discouraging?

[1] Clark, J; Johnson, M.P. (2015). The Incarnation of God: The Mystery of the Gospel as the Foundation of Evangelical Theology. Wheaton. Crossway. Kindle Edition. (p. 219).

[2] Crabb, L. (2013). Fully Alive, A Biblical Vision of Gender That Frees Men and Women to Live Beyond Stereotypes.Grand Rapids, MI: BakerBooks. (pp. 77-123).

[3] Crabb, L. (2013). Fully Alive, A Biblical Vision of Gender That Frees Men and Women to Live Beyond Stereotypes.Grand Rapids, MI: BakerBooks. (p. 52).

Unpublished work. Copyright 2026, Greg and Carlene Seghers